Saturday, August 22, 2009

singles events- take 2

Singles events have ruined it for the singles. Whereas before both male and females had to go on formal dates, be on their best behavior, and slowly get to know one another, they are now constantly meeting one another at informal events. Alcohol is served, the atmosphere is relaxed and the singles are becoming more and more comfortable with each other. Gone is the middle-man telling them how to proceed, gone is the nerves of not knowing where the other one stands. Instead what is left is a group of 30+ singles who all “know each other well” yet are not able to date and take that relationship further. Guys are bringing girls their coffee shabbos morning in hotels, yet they are “just friends”. Girls are able to get in touch with loads of men through facebook but have not been on a marriage minded date in months. Men with good reputations in the yeshivish circles have girlfriends for months. Girls are drinking alcoholic beverages and flirting in ways that would scare their parents and former teachers.
Boundaries are being overstepped that never would have happened in the past. Rabbanim give their approval to these events but I wonder if they really know what goes on at them. Men are exposed to modes of dress they may not have seen when only on shidduch dates. This not so tznius look appeals to them and they begin to look at the tznius girls as dowdy and outdated. The single girls realize that they must begin to dress to lure in the guy and they let down their guard. Once their dress has been compromised their behavior is at stake. The stories I have heard of what goes on between singles should be chilling to any frum jew, yet at this point they are no longer shocking. Ten years ago the thought of being ov'er on negiah was unbelievable. Yet today I overhear conversations of singles going to the mikvah. (and those are the ones who are somewhat within the realm of halacha)
As an older single I thank those who are trying to find new solutions to what has been termed the shidduch crisis. Yet I beg of you to stop these events and go back to the old fashioned way of redding shidduchim.


  1. So these things are actually going in and aren't urban legends?

  2. i feel like they used to be legends about certain communities. now they go on everywhere.

  3. I have to completely agree with that. I’ve had some friends that have used matchmaking services ..

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