Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Dear well meaning lady who I don’t even know I really appreciate that you’ve devoted your time to “dabbling” in shidduchim. That’s really very noble of you. However, when you see my professional picture taken at a family simcha and its still not good enough for you, how do you think you make me feel? You don’t know me, you probably don’t know the guys youre sending my information to either. So how do you know that they are insisting on specific looks? When you give a speech about presenting myself in the best light what makes you think that the external is as important to my future date or husband as it is to you? I am BH attractive and put together. So why are you so sure that my few extra pounds will get in the way. Why do you feel that only the skinniest, the prettiest and the best dressed are deserving to date. Has it never occurred to you that guys are actually interested in the likes of me? That my style and personality come through even though in your eyes I will never be good enough? That I am accomplished and frum and giving and that these qualities will get me further in life than whatever you deem important qualities in a single? So again, I thank you for trying to help me out but in fact all you’ve done is ruin my day. Sincerely, an amazing single


  1. I agree that it is very insensitive of the shadchan to say that. It's not always what we say, but HOW we say it. I once heard that it is really the shadchanim who make "the problem" because they only set up the pretty/skinny girls. Truthfully, I think every woman IS beautiful.

    That being said, I think that we are meant to become our best, inside and outside. We do live in a physical world and the truth is that you DO want your husband to be attracted to you.

    But she should not make it seem like THAT is the problem. I'm sure you have many, amazing things to offer, and iy"H you'll find the guy values everything about you!

    Don't let her ruin your day!

    1. This is the second time in one week that I'm hearing about shadchanim who do more harm than good. On Sunday, a recently (happily) married friend told me that a certain shadchan told her she'll never get what she wants. He forgot Who runs the world and Who is the Ultimate Shadchan. She did get everything she wanted, and more! Take heart... luckily, this shadchan woman has no say in who you'll end up with.

  2. My only response to women who say such things to me: Bite me.

    If one looks around, all types of people are happily married. Yes, the shlumps (not saying you are a shlump), yes, the harpies, yes, the women out there who possess an opinion and stand by it.

    This same sort of thing happened to me recently, and I was really torn up about it until I got MAD. Furious. How dare she? How DARE she?

    Matchmaking, we've always been told, is a Godly pursuit. When mere mortals start deciding who can and cannot have a successful relationship, then I want to throw something. I happen to believe in God, thank you very much.

    Put her aside. Don't let her get you down. Because if we were all meant to be the same, why bother with shidduch dates? We'll all just put our names in a bag and match us up at random.

  3. I heard a similar story from a friend a few years ago where a shadchan dismissed the girl from the room because she wasn't a size 2 or under. I asked for the shadchan's name and number so I could give her a piece of my mind. Sadly, the friend didn't have it. But I'm sure you have this shadchan's contact info for me 0:-)