orphaned

Although it’s always sad when a parent passes away, leaving children behind, I always felt a special sadness when I heard of an older single losing a parent. If the parent left behind children that were under 18 for example, it’s understandable that the parent would not be present in so many future events. But when a 26 or 34 year old loses a parent its painful that they miss out on what should have taken place years before. And unfortunately the cases of this happening kept increasing. stories I heard or singles I knew. Until it was me. And here I am trying to make sense of it all. All those years of being told “don’t worry you will get married” and now knowing that if I do it will be without my mother at my side. And that is just a senseless tragedy in my mind.

train ride

Mrs schwartz sits and reads her book, enjoying the quiet of her four small children. She cant remember the last time they got along so well. As the train twists and turns they each stare out the window watching the scenery fly by. From time to time there is a bump and they shift in their seats. Its mostly quiet as each one takes in the excitement of the locomotion. It moves so fast they feel like they are flying. From time to time one child softly taps another to point out something interesting seen out the window. And like dominos the action is passed on, each child nudging the next to show them in turn. As new passengers get on the children take them in, noticing the small details of their clothing and their mannerisms. It is their first time on a train, their first trip away from home and everything seems new and exciting. Suddenly the train makes a quick sharp turn and one by one the children all fall to the left, each falling on top of the other. “get off me” yells the one on the bottom. “I cant, shes on me” yells the next. “he’s hurting me” “he kicked me”… And suddenly the quiet is gone. And in its place are 4 bickering children. No longer remembering what caused them to be pushed, no longer hushed by the newness of the event, they move on to other more familiar arguments. And with a sad smile mrs Schwartz slowly closes her book and is grateful for the few minutes of silence that she enjoyed.

his 2 wives

Leah tenderly picks tomatoes, trying to make herself care. After finally placing 5 in the bag she moves on to the cucumbers. Normally the vibrant colors of the vegetables are enough to make her feel healthy and joyous. But ever since his passing life just seems black and white. Even colorful objects have lost their luster. So she moves along numbly gathering the makings of a salad, so she can go home and make believe along with her children, that life still matters. She feels someone standing next to her and looks up to see Her. His first wife. In the past she always felt a smugness when she saw her. A little burst of pride, as if she won. But now she doesn’t know what to feel. None of it really matters anymore. Chava approaches the vegetable aisle pushing her heavy wagon, while her two small children pull on her dress. She doesn’t notice leah standing there until she is right next to her. So many emotions pass through her mind. But none of them seem to linger for long. Except for one. Sympathy. no matter what transpired in the past she cant help but feel bad for this woman who has lost her husband. And as leah looks up she offers her a smile. And leah smiles back. And each continue on with their day.