Sunday, September 27, 2009

losing friends

I lost a friend a few years ago. Not sure how or why. One day i was involved in her life, suddenly she had moved away without even letting me know. I found out her number from a mutual friend and left multiple messages. I gave up for a while assuming she was busy but upon hearing she had a baby I left yet another message. At that point I was ready to give up but for some reason I said id give it one more try. This time I actually reached her and had the most distracted phone call. Finally I gave up. I had tried more than enough times and she was clearly not interested. This hurt- I had been with her through more than one hardship in her life, and had spent many a meal at her table. I knew her kids well and had watched them when her parent died and she was sitting shiva. Since then I bumped into her on YT and I kept the conversation short. I heard through another friend that she would call her from time to time, invite her to come for a visit. This was hurtful as I had invested much in this friendship yet I saw I was not the one she took the time to call. I recently met her and was once again civil and then walked away while she and my friend continued to talk. Today, being erev yom kippur I suddenly decided to ask mechila. For what I am not sure. Upon calling she said no, I though you were upset at me. I explained that having tried more than my share to reach out I took a step back. She defended herself with explaining that she had a lot going on at that time. I hung up and burst into tears. Not exactly sure why. But I am tired of friends backing away for long periods of time only to say later they were “busy”. I’ve heard it all- pregnancies, illness in the family, tragedies in the family, moves etc. and I understand that these things take up time. And you might not even want to talk about it. But just call back and say, now is not a good time. And call back when it is.

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