Tuesday, May 17, 2011

things singles wish you knew

1. while we appreciate the shabbos invitation, please let us know in advance if you are having other company. Not all singles appreciate being over with other couples and their kids. Sometimes it makes us downright uncomfortable. And sometimes we enjoy it and are glad to be treated like everyone else. So how can you know how we will react? By giving us advance notice! Then it is up to us to accept the invitation or to make up a reason to come a different time. And this does not only refer to couples. Please keep in mind that not all single girls are going to be best friends. And while it may be easier for you to have us over together, please run it by us first.
2. our lives do not revolve around dating. In fact many of us can go months and yes, even years!, without a date. So if we are not available don’t jump to conclusions. Also, don’t ask for dating stories. Yes, they are entertaining to you and most of us even enjoy the telling but unless it has been a lucky month chances are the last dating story you heard is still our last.
3. we don not appreciate the “bracha” evident in every conversation we have. And we don’t miss it being said there. So while you think you are helping even more by repeating over and over to “say amen” we are just praying over and over that the floorboards would open and swallow us whole.
4. we are not picky. the reasons we give for rejecting a date may make us appear that way but due to various reasons including shmiras halashon we are not telling you the complete story. And even if we are, unless you were on that date with us, don’t make judgement calls.


  1. Totally agree with this list, especially number 4.

  2. You are SO right. You should spread this list...

  3. i will spread it when i reach 10. any suggestions?

  4. Although I am not single, I think I can still chime in.
    Singles are not "nebachs" and should not be pitied. They have a life and spend a lot of their time doing things that make them happy and do not benefit from pitying glances or comments that make them feel like all that matters is their marital status.

  5. Are you seriously writing that first part? You don't want to be treated differently/"nebachy", so don't expect someone to do something any more out of the way for you than they would for other people. I have invited plenty of people to my place for Shabbos (as a single person and when married), and I never informed *any* of them who else would be there. Neither do most people I know. If you are the one who has a hang-up and must know, then it's your job to ask your host/ess. Otherwise, s/he just invited at whim or to capacity.

    Secondly, did it ever occur to you that singles are invited over because they are *wanted* just for being them and not because they are single? I genuinely enjoy having single people over because I am not forced to have inane conversations about diapers, strollers, etc. When I am with other "mommies", that is constantly coming up, and it grows stale. With a single person, we can each talk about our interests and common (or even different) ideas. Of course, if it is their dream to get married, then I would hope that would happen for them. Don't you think you jump to conclusions sometimes and read into situations?