Mazel... TOV????

The news just broke, the neighbor is engaged! Such a simcha!!! This family has suffered enough. Health issues, shalom bayis issues, parnassah issues, hardships with the kids. For years we have all been saying how much they need this simcha. And now it's finally here. And rather than be truly happy for them I am sitting here wallowing in self pity. Instead of focusing on the good I am dreading facing the neighbors as the older still single neighbor. And more saddening to me than the fact that I'm still single is the fact that I can not take joy in others success.

Back-up

Was thinking about why I feel so left out and lonely when I'm constantly being praised and told how loved I am. And then it hit me. Everyone loves me and wants me... But as a backup. I'm the one to call when plans don't work out. The volunteer called last minute for emergency help. Even in my business I get the last minute calls when someone else cancelled. It's better than not being called on at all but just once I'd like to feel the feeling of being first. Of being the one called when the funniest thing just happened and you need to tell. Of being included in the planning stages of the event. Of being the indispensable one. Someday.

Today it hit me again how i don't have that friend. You know, the one you call to laugh or cry with. The one you share your hopes and dreams with. The one you take along when you don't want to face the situation alone. BH most of my friends have moved on for good reasons. They've married and had children, bought homes. And I guess I have moved on from the singles. They live with their parents, rely on them for food and many expenses are taken care of for them. They just dot get the full magnitude of my responsibilities and why I can't vacation or go out to expensive restaurants frequently.I am alone on my island. Waiting to be rescued.